Healthy Boundaries
Healthy Boundaries
How many of us are guilty of overgiving and pouring into everyone else's cup without refilling their own...
This has probably been the most challenging part of my self-discovery journey. I love to help out, encourage, motivate, and participate whenever possible. The dilemma for me has always been that I put my life on hold to help everyone else, problem-solve, and volunteer when I barely get by. This behavior probably started in grade school, the overachiever, the need to be the best in everything, and seeking validation or recognition incentives like the student of the month medals, honor roll, and president awards. I learn to overextend myself to accomplish the task or goal at hand. This was great as a child, but I blurred the lines as an adult.
I remember my junior year of high school I was living on stage, musical theatre, theatre, dance and costume design. I was barely eating, in between regular school and performing, I fainted once on stage, and my parents were like, this has to stop, I ended up giving up musical theatre. In college, I was working part-time and going to school, sometimes less than twenty minutes between class and work, which luckily was only a 10 min drive and Starbucks was my best friend. Whenever they needed someone to stay late at the bridal shop I worked at I always offered. I had started as a front desk person and I was determine to prove to them and myself that I could be a stylist at nineteen. I did end up becoming a stylist and it was a sacrifice I don't regret; however, I went above and beyond for the company and again I was barely getting by until I got sick and was out of work and school for two weeks. You see your body will give you signs, like your overworking, your not sleeping, your not eating,your so stressed out and tired, but I chose to ignore them until my body was like were going to shut you down and force you to rest..this has happened way too many times...but I am learning to establish healthy boundaries and respect my body's needs.
As suspected, overextending myself and overgiving translated to my relationships, friendships, and family dynamics. The truth was I was conditioned at a young age, and disappointing people or having to say NO to them was something I dreaded. I am still learning to change my mindset and say things like, " I would love to help you with such task because I know it means a lot to you, but, I have to be in the office early tomorrow." Another one I struggled with was setting boundaries, like " I don't feel comfortable doing this...or this isn't my scene". Let's face it we are adults who have our own lives; we can make time sometimes, but it shouldn't be at the cost of our happiness, mental health, nor set us behind.
Now, I feel like establishing healthy boundaries is getting easier. Having conversations like I need to put my priorities first and take care of my well-being so I can pour from a full cup instead of running on fumes and draining my energetic vibration. Journaling and listening to my intuition, becoming more self aware and taking care of my body helped me recognize when I was overextending myself. I still help, volunteer, participate in new hobbies, and hangout with friends when I can not because I feel like I have to, and that has made the most significant difference this year.
