Overcoming Self-Sabotage Behavior
Overcoming Self-Sabotage Behavior
Where do I begin... the reason I am writing about this subject is the same reason why it has taken me a few months to write another blog post. I been dealing with getting triggered recently, and this may be due to not knowing which direction to take regarding my career and education. Sometimes we are bombarded with options, and we freeze, unable to see a scenario's benefits, pros, and cons. For example, choosing the right program, do I want to do journalism or public relations? Plan C is also Liberal Arts, a more broad degree that would help me with both. Do I choose a school based on location? One is a convenient 10 mins away from the office; another school is a half point between work and home, and the other seems appealing but only partially satisfies me. I would also have to drive through the area of town I prefer to avoid due to traffic rushes. The truth is something is missing from all of these, but there's no perfection. These were the questions I have been trying to analyze since I got my acceptance letters and have been bombarded with emails, visiting campus tours, and taking it all in.
In the meantime, these last few months, I volunteered as an article writer for a newsletter, Women's history appreciation month subject, created a content portfolio for social media freelancer position, networked at events, and been keeping up with the restocking the storefront. I also had to submit a personal essay regarding why I wanted to pursue going back to school at my age and how it would benefit my life in the future. We can say I been pretty busy, and dabbling in all different creative projects. I started reading financial literacy books and thinking about investing in the stock market.
March was my birthday month; some like to call it Saturn's return, and that is where the triggering began. I used to be the person with a checklist by a certain age, I would drive this car, I would be a successful fashion business owner, be married and possibly have children. I never planned to return to school at 27, be divorced, and have no kids. However, it was God's plan and his plans are always in my best interest even if sometimes I can't see them. The self-sabotaging behavior is when something triggers you back to a moment in your life that left you scarred. We think we have healed until something pulls us back in time. Over time, I have understood triggers will always be there, but its how we choose to see them; yes, they are uncomfortable, make us vulnerable, but they help us grow and develop our core strengths. For example, I couldn't stand someone drinking whiskey near me for the longest time because it brought back memories and was the biggest trigger. I can finally be at a bar and tolerate the smell, but working on that simple trigger took years.
Whatever your triggers are, the key is to identify them first, then understand why you are getting triggered and how to cope with them. This is easier said than done, I remember the first time I was exposed to someone drinking whiskey near me and my whole energy shifted; my body temperature became hot, and I started sweating. I grabbed my car keys and sat in my car for 30 minutes crying because I couldn't understand what was happening to me and had no control over my sudden change in emotions. Suppose you recognize that when something or someone triggers you, your mind subconsciously self-sabotages. In that case, you become aware, which is a way to remain in control of the situation instead of freezing and being consumed by the self-sabotaging mindset. Another self-sabotaging behavior is overworking, so you don't have time to overthink or focus on areas of your life that require attention. During the 2020 Covid 19 pandemic, I realized after a few weeks of being furloughed how uncomfortable I was staying home and unable to go out or socialize with my friends. That was a trigger on its own. I always said I was as much of an introvert as an extrovert, but during that time, I learned how much I crave human interaction and authentic connection.
We all have different triggers and some self-sabotaging behavior we learned along the way and wrote it off as coping.
